It doesn’t come around very often, but I realized what the impetus has been when I start to withdraw from certain types of community:
I despise the feeling that comes from asking a question and getting no response. I’m not sure exactly where this comes from (though I’m sure I could ferret it out if I so desired), but it’s the same kind of grumpy response that also comes from paying attention to someone else’s progress (on things like Twitter or LiveJournal or whatever) and knowing that they have no idea who I am, that they are not “my friend”.
My first thought when I realized this was that it was some kind of personal validation thing, but I’m not sure that’s exactly it. I think I’m offended on some level by imbalance, and I do not suffer imbalanced relationships lightly. When I have asked a question of a community and literally no one response – not even with a “I’m sorry, I don’t know how to answer that, but good luck” – I feel… used.
I think that’s the word I’m looking for. I think that’s why I’ve withdrawn so much from online communities again – people have asked questions, I have answered, but when I ask something of any importance, it’s ignored. Am I asking things that are too “smart” for you? Am I talking over your head? Are you scared to answer the goddamn question?
I’m reaching the point where I’m getting disgusted with humans who cling to the illusion of stupidity. And, yes, I feel like stupidity IS an illusion, an illusion that is chosen in lieu of taking serious responsibility for oneself.
Or maybe I’m just being a grumpy bitch. *shrug*