It’s so hard to keep my eye on the silver lining.

The Bad News:

* The dogs broke the heat lamp under the house, so the well froze, so we have no water. It’s 19 deg F right now, at 12:30 in the afternoon.

*The propane tank is just about empty, so there’s no way to heat the house except for the stove and one space heater that’s just about on its last leg. (All the wood is wet, and I can’t really get to the fireplace safely anyway.)

*There are no eggs or bread, so there really isn’t anything to eat that doesn’t require water.

* The car is totaled, and because of the lapsed insurance, there’s not a great chance of getting it fixed anytime soon.

* I’ve racked up close to $700 in debt to my dearest friends in the last three days.

* The check to Coyote Sanitation bounced.

* The house is still “transitioning”, which is a nice way to say “still a disaster”.

* I can’t call the plumber guy back out to run the sewage pipe I need to finish the bathroom because I have to get propane and pay for all of this other stuff that’s come up.

* My previous projections about how quickly I can save up money for the move have all gone out the window.

* Due to the car accident, I probably won’t see my husband again for at least another month, and maybe not until Thanksgiving. I missed his birthday party and his snuggles.

* Someone let Joseph and Daniel have some markers, so I’m going to have to replace the plywood part of the countertop on the island as well as painting the cabinets instead of staining them.

I know that sometimes bad things happen to good people, but this is getting a little fucking ridiculous. I’ve made a list of some of the little things I can do to get into a better position, but it’s just so overwhelming right now that I don’t even feel like leaving my room.

Let’s see… here’s the Good News:

* “Middle of Nowhere” is being looked at by a literary agency, so that’s good.

* I’m alive, and that’s really a major biggie right now.

* The kids are well and taken care of over at Amber’s (with Kimmie’s help).

* These local friends have really come through for me in the worst of times, and my distant friends have all been loving and supportive.

* I tested negative to all of my supplements, so my health is good and stable.

* Michael is leaving on a bus today, so no more stress from rude and disrespectful behavior.

* I’m still crazy in love with my husband, and he with me, so we have a good foundation to make our relationship better.

* All of the rest of the bills are current, so no worries about losing what little we’ve got right now.

* I still have some yarn.

* My laptop isn’t broken.

* I got two more story ideas while I was on the road for these 22 hours since Thursday, one of which could be a novel (maybe both, if I expand the concept).

Here are some of the things I could maybe do to make it better, plus the things I have to do:

* Finish at least getting the sheetrock up in the living room. (None of what has to be done is on the exterior walls, so it doesn’t impact the “keeping the house warm” bits.)

* Get the bathroom finished enough to get the tub in.

* Gather up useless items and sell them.

* Get another online job to try to make some extra money.

* Make a list of things we need, a short list of things we like to have, and get rid of everything else (not counting heirlooms, which should probably be shipped off to someplace not-here).

* Knit more, since that’s good finger therapy.

I still haven’t cried since the accident, but I think I’m really getting there. I’d planned on crawling into the bathtub to have a good break-down, but that was interrupted, obviously. I won’t turn down help, but I also don’t want to be indebted more than I can repay quickly. This is what you call an “untenable position”. It’s got to get better – I know it does – I just want to know what I can to do make it better faster.

Dawn Written by:


  1. October 11, 2009

    I’m glad to see that you look for the good even when the bad is pouring down.

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