I don’t remember much about the dream itself… okay, I should say dreams. There are a few I’ve had this week that are sticking with me very strongly.
The one last night/this morning involved an opossum digging through a hole in the ceiling. At first, I thought it was a mouse due to the size of the hole, or maybe a rat, but a full-sized opossum launched itself and landed on the bed right between us. I shook a bit when it landed, and that when I realized I was dreaming of my material world (though in my material world I was, obviously, asleep, and not sitting up in bed with a game on my phone).
The second part was in an industrial construction site of sorts. Buildings were in various states of undress, lots of beams and concrete and half-walls… it seemed to be in a downtown area. I know there was something about being miffed at someone and trying to figure out a way to describe the problem to someone else who was supposed to help me solve it, and then I saw a little fox on the far side of the street. It looked like it had been in the outdoors for a while but that it had been partially domesticated, so it was a little worse for the wear. It seemed to want to stay and bond, and I said to someone, “I can’t decide if I’m going to name her Maude or Curly.” When I got closer, it had become more of a weasel or ferret, and the front half was tawny red while the back half (the back facing me by the curve of its body) was white with black spots, but much of the fur was coming off as though it had mange or some other kind of disease.
The other dream from earlier this week was odder, I think. I was living with a man who was definitely not Mr. C. as he was slightly taller, had much darker hair, was about the same build, and was actually gay. We were masquerading as a couple – married and everything – and he kept making allusions to us being in a real relationship, that he’d never thought he could feel this way about a woman, etc. I was aware that I loved him very much and that I had other lovers, as he did as well, but that I was neglecting them because we spent more and more time at home together. We had a greenhouse and a library, and we really were the epitome of a great couple, and then towards the end, he wanted to actually try to have sex, even going so far as to point out that if someone made a stink about our union and we couldn’t prove consummation, we could end up with the marriage annulled and maybe end up in prison. It was an unnecessary thing to bring up, I didn’t have to be coerced, so I think he was justifying it to himself even though he was the one that was pressing for it. We did end up copulating, but it was a weird non-sexual experience, as though the act was only as much as the love we had and it wasn’t really physically arousing per se… or maybe that the physical arousal was second to the intimacy. I woke up confused because part of me thought of it as watching a movie while another part was trying to reconcile the sensation of together with the observation of together.
All of these dreams had very rich colors and tones, with excellent detail and not a lot of distortion.
So, in the first two-ish dreams, all three animals potentially represent some kind of deception or duplicity, hidden things and nefarious, not-so-awesome intentions. Fox is a shape-shifter and was not taken care of well, as though she’d been nurtured and then forgotten. Her transformation into a weasel (perhaps trying to convince me it was a ferret for the sake of trickery) was supposed to be subtle, but it revealed the illness, and I got the impression that the illness was the function of what she was more than what she’d done – it was not good. There was malevolent – or at least destructively selfish – intention there, as though my compassion was about to unleash an unholy hell. Also, by the end of the transformation, it was not a female but rather a male. And opossum are also deceivers, “playing opossum”, misleading, even going to far as to smell bad to convince others that they are no longer a danger or threat.
All together, I feel like I’m being played, that I’m trying to focus so narrowly on this one amazing thing that I can’t see how much damage it can potentially do. I don’t feel like a lot of damage has been done, but the fact of deception – intentional or otherwise – is showing that much, much more damage will be done soon if I’m not careful.
The other dream was more confusing, but I think I understand the symbolism of it, having all the trappings and images of a fantastic life, and even a core of real love, but it is not the right kind to perpetuate the real relationship it represented. It was not a bad life, and it could even have been perpetually sustained, but there would always be that strange sense of loss that having the closeness would never be close enough to feel truly intimately connected.
Even now, it makes me a little sad.