Day Four: Nine things you want to say to nine different people right now (anonymously)
1. This is killing me. Make up your damn mind already. At the very least, find a shred of honesty and make a statement. Half-way negotiations are for suckers, and I’m not that. Not anymore.
2. When you say those things, you break my heart. I know you’re just coming into that phase and you have to vent it, but if that’s what you really think, then why am I doing what I do? Why am I trying? What am I working for? You can’t make me stop loving you, but you really challenge my ability to like you when you get like that. I get over it, but every time is a little harder. Please find a better way to say what you need to say.
3. The day can’t get here fast enough, and even then, I don’t know what will happen. Would it be better for nothing to happen at all? Or would it be better to throw caution to the wind and make the leap? Would that moment be awkward or natural? Would it start something amazing or shatter the future? This is the one thing that I am most unsure of, and that terrifies me.
4. Stop that. I don’t like it.
5. You make me crazy. And not always in a good way, even though I know you mean the best. I do love you, no matter what.
6. I really wish you’d get some good help, some solid help, and stop biting the hand that feeds you. Your refusal to take care of yourself negates my potential to give a damn, and that’s not a good place to be for either of us, for any of us. You have options, but pride prevents you from using them. You’re not the only person you’re hurting by making those choices, but you are the only one that’s going to come out of this looking like an asshole chump.
7. Please get better soon. I know this is the path you’ve chosen, and I know there must be many good reasons for it, but it’s shredding my nerves to see you like this, day after day. A massive part of me still believes that you could change this if you wanted to, and I see you in there, hiding behind all this other crap, and I just can’t wait to meet the real you. I know you “have to”, but please, please hurry.
8. You’re a sweet kid, but you’re not my type. I’m sorry. You really need someone your own age – or at least within ten years of it.
9. I forgive you.