Okay, so, maybe maintaining a blog while working full-time, going to school full-time, and volunteering at DMS (plus the whole relationship and having kids thing… and wedding planning…) is a little much, but you guys know I still love you, right?
I swear, one day soon, there will be more here than just a brief drive-by apology.
In the meantime…
One year ago today, I was nervous as hell getting ready for a date after work. I took several deep breaths, walked into the restaurant where I was meeting him – the guy that messaged me while I was writing a message to him, and with whom I subsequently exchanged at least another 40 messages with (38? Something like that, I’m not going to go look.). I spotted someone in the corner that absolutely made my jaw drop and I hoped that that was really him. Why would I ask that? Because I had a weird brain problem where I can’t always recognize people by their photographs.
It was. (ohthankthegodsohcrapohcrapohcrappleasedon’tletmeshovemyfootinmymouth)
And then he proceeded to knock my socks off with depth and humor and intelligence and oh my god those lips and eyes. And then he ordered a burger with no bun (wheat-free, too?!?) and then neither ordered a beer nor gave me guff for ordering one. (He had a drink later when we’d worked our way back there, but that’s another story.)
I can’t recall ever having had that kind of a reaction to anyone. Ever. I’m usually the cool one. (I hoped I was still a little cool.)
Whatever the case, however it worked out, something was right. There were some shaky moments even in that first week, and he technically counts our first anniversary as July 4th, but for me, this was the day that I met and fell in love with my future husband. Today was the day that made all the difference in the world, where in span of only a couple of hours, I looked at every single attitude I had about dating and relationships and what I wanted out of any of them and put them all on the chopping block.
Technically, I could say that it was the day before – the 27th, when we were messaging on OKC, when I finally got up the nerve to message him after looking at his profile half a dozen times and cleaning up the drool. (Me?! Nervous to message someone?!? The fearless dating adventurer?!? … Yes, I was.) I could say that because I saw the foundation of something so perfectly matched and amazing that it almost defied definition, but it really wasn’t until the 28th when I was able to look into his eyes that I knew that every word was true.
I felt connected and safe and real. It was instant and defied all rational thought.
But, falling in love is not rational.
Luckily, we got through the bumps and scrapes and monsters, like Tam Lin being dragged from his steed by the Princess. We held on and got through it, and now every day is a little Halloween and a lot of love. We have boundaries and respect and honesty. We communicate – more than just talking – and we love each other madly. We love our new massive family, and we love our only-us-together, and we love everything in between.
We’re making it official on August 25th. With luck, it’ll be available as a live stream for those who can’t make it to town. I’ll post the page to the specifics later.
I adore you, Craig Swain, from the moment I met you. And that was a year ago today.